Chelsea Tractors. What?
I was hoovering hair out of the fridge yesterday and I got to thinking. Not just that the cat-flap was a bad idea but about other things too. Like how we are now having to import phrases and nicknames for things.
In the Indo today there’s an article about Chelsea Tractors. The closest any Indo reader is going to get to Chelsea is watching soccer on the telly. Show them a map and they wouldn’t be able to point it out. Why can’t we just call them jeeps like we used to? Or better still come up with our own term.
We used to be great at that. Especially the Dubs. Remember the Molly Malone statue became the Tart with the Cart within nanoseconds of being unveiled. The Fluzzie in the Jacuzzi. The Spike. The Daniel Day.
The new Kildare County Council offices in Naas are known as Windowlene. (See the pic and you’ll know why). There’s the Magic Roundabout in Cork.
Dubs who move to the country are called Dulchies. The two new, predominately Dublin inhabited, housing estates near me are called the Occupied Territories.
In the land of Pure Mule the favoured pint is Red Diesel.
We don’t have Chavs. We have Skangers. Skangers arriving back in Dublin airport from their annual pilgrimage to Lanzarote are known as JIFs.
I’m okay with jeep. I’ll tolerate SUV at a push because I can say things like ’shove yer Suv’. But lads, Chelsea Tractors? Chelsea fekin Tractors. No way José (Mourinho or any other José).
Com’on. We need our own name for these yokes. Ideas please.
